I have been a Cubs fan for years. It started when I was 8. That was the year that my sister went into the 6th grade and I went into the 3rd grade. Which meant for the first time in my existence in the realm of schooling I was in a different school that her. And since both of our parents worked we weer latch key kids. And since I got home before my sister, I got a key to the house. And that meant that for the first time in my life I got to control the remote and choose what to watch on TV. We had finally got cable about 6 months before (although it would be another 2+ years before my Dad broke down and got an air conditioner. Not even window units, just a big ceiling fan built in that sucked air throughout the house and kicked it out of a vent in the attic. Because when the air is 90+ degrees with 75% humidity, making it move past you REALLY cools you off. I was one of those kids who looked at going to the movie theatre like a gift from the gods of comfortable air, like I was living in the 50's or something. But I digress...), so I had more to choose from than just the Big 3 and the local affiliates (remember when there were channels NOT affiliated with networks? The ones that would show whatever the hell they wanted? Nothing was cooler than random Saturday morning cartoons followed by the kung-fu triple feature or 12 straight hours of Charles Bronson. I am too damn young to be getting nostalgic!). I would surf around (no Cartoon Network then), and one day I came across WGN, the Chicago superstation. And they were showing a Cubs game. Now this was before they put the lights on Wrigley, so all the games there were day games. And even back then day games during the week were a real rarity. I got hooked on watching a stadium full of people and listening to Harry Carry (phonetically the perfect name for a Cubs broadcaster). I was too young to know that he was sloshed off of his ass most games. I just liked listening to him ramble and sing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame". When my Dad would come home, he was so happy that wasn't watching "that damn MTV" (which was banned, almost Footloose style, in my house for years. Of course that ban was all but ignored by my sister and me. I remember when "Home Sweet Home" by Motley Crue was number one on the old request show for what seemed like 2 years) that he happily supported my having a National League team to root for, since it did not interfere with the American League team that was here in Baltimore. He would tease me sometimes to check my loyalty in case the Orioles and Cubs played in the World Series, making sure I would stay with the home team. Looking back, he really shouldn't have spent any energy worrying about that. But that love of the Cubs led me to become a fan of all Chicago teams (except the White Sox, especially after the '83 playoffs). I lost interest in the Bulls after they became the juggernaut of the NBA, and I never really got into hockey (but I still occasionally scan the box scores to see how the Blackhawks are doing). That is why I am a Cubs fan.

Another thing I am a big fan of is athletes and stars speaking in the third person. I love the unmitigated hubris and the unintentional comedy. To me, there is nothing better than hearing something like "Willy Jo has to think about the future of Willy Jo". Brilliant. So imaging my joy upon seeing this...

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2763803

Big Z, the Z train, Carlos Zambrano.

Now the article is worth reading, especially if you are a Cubs fan, or a fan of any of the NL Central teams. But this is what makes it gold...

"Whatever happens, I don't want to know [anything] about a contract during the season. I want to sign with the Cubs before the season starts," the Cubs' pitching ace said in an interview on WGN-TV, according to the Chicago Tribune. "If they don't sign me, sorry, but I must go. That's what Carlos Zambrano thinks."

That's what Carlos Zambrano thinks. Does anyone else read that and hear "What would Brian Boitano Do?" in their head? It even has the same number of syllables. It's perfect.

At least that's what BSR thinks.