Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Okay, I wasn't planning on doing this right now, but I was just reading a "blog" that covers the Ravens and it was full of non-sensible ramblings that made me want to reach through the interwebs and choke the "writer". It was a bunch of one line observations that sounded like they were posted by a drunkard on a bender. I am not going to link to it, because I work with them (in a roundabout sort of way) and I don't want to call them out and ask them what the hell they were smoking when they posted that load of claptrap. But I am all about copying and pasting this load of poop so you can read it for yourself...

If West Coast rapper, Snoop Dog, feels so compelled to show up to pre-season camp to see what the “Organized Chaos” is all about, maybe he should put on a practice jersey and take the place of the injured or 401k plan players that are missing in action.

Let’s take a brief look inside the Raven’s training room:

• WR Drew Bennett chucked the deuces and said “Where can I rollover my 401k plan” when he abruptly retired after coming to the conclusion that his knee would not withstand the brutal pounding of a full season.

• OT Adam Terry took a page from the injury handbook and is out with a knee ---for the season! This tubby on the o-line just gave the RT position to the rookie, Michael Oher. Get that pancake ready Oher.

• WR Mark Clayton hurt his hammy and after some tests there is still blood swirling around the area, so Coach Harbaugh “put him out” for 2 to 3 pre-season games.

On the field there were plenty of kinks, learning curves and hope to be had:

• Apparently, WR Derrick Mason checked his portfolio and realized that we are in the midst of a recession. Hence, “I’m back, B*tches!” after three weeks off.

• Micro-fracture surgery be damned, NT Kelly Gregg is doing his best Amare Stoudemire and is practicing after a yearlong rehab from a knee injury on his third day of practice in 2008’s summer camp.

• C Matt Birk and QB Joe Flacco have a case of fumbles and missed snaps, but what do we expect with a new big’ in at center?

• Three running backs – Ray Rice (rookie!), Willis McGahee, and LeRon McClarin give offensive coordinator, Cam Cameron (“CC”) all kinds of joy. Who said you needed receivers when Ray Rice is catching the ball in traffic?

• New defensive coordinator, Greg Mattison (the man who we will light on fire if the defense slips even a smidgeon), wondering how TD Jesus left him with so much in the secondary – Domonique Foxworth, Chris Carr, Fabian Washington, Samari Rolle (coming off the PUP) and rookie Lardarius Webb. Rex who?

• Terrell Suggs was rocking a t-shirt underneath his practice jersey that said,”You Bet Your Sweet A** I Hate the Steelers.”

Let the trash talking, chants, chest bumping, Ed Reed snatching cookies from a kid (aka interceptions) begin!!

Now, let's look at facts. Drew Bennett missed all but about half of the first game of the season last year with a horrific knee injury. He rehabbed it and when the Ravens went looking for a replacement for the (then) retired Derrick Mason, he went for it, felt good after the tryout, and signed a 1 year deal. The next day his knee was swollen, and not recovering from the tryout. He knew right then and there that his knee was not recovered, so he pulled out of the deal. Nothing wrong or untoward about that. Adam Terry is injured and out for the season (side note...I CANNOT STAND that "out with a ____" crap. "Out with a knee"? Is it serious, or are they just dating. This leads to things like "Out with a groin". Was Anquan Boldin "Out with a face" last year? It just sounds stupid), but the "tubby" line just smacks of trying (and failing) to be funny and cute. It is a fact that offensive linemen are, as a rule, very fit. The sheer amount of trapping and pulling they do on a regular basis, not to mention getting to the second level on runs and QB scrambles, keeps them from being "tubby". D-linemen are the ones tipping the scales and making the jerseys look like spandex when they shouldn't be. Tony Siragusa, Gilbert Brown...THEY were / are tubby. Jonathan Ogden, Jim Parker, Tony Boselli...they were huge, but not at all fat. Don't be so obtuse, lady. And Mark Clayton did "hurt his hammy" (use the word hamstring like a real reporter, eh?), the same one that has been a problem since college. But it wasn't Coach Harbaugh that "put him out" at all. It was the training staff. Again, if you are going to attribute something to someone, know what the hell you are talking about, please.

Derrick Mason did not look at his portfolio, nor did he factor in the recession. One of his best friends died in a senseless, horrible, stunning way, and Mason needed to take some time to process what had happened and the fact that because he had played football for all of these years he had missed a lot of his children growing up. He doesn't play for the money, because he was smart with the money he already made. He had to see if after that shock to his system if he still wanted to play the game. That is why he "retired" without turning his paperwork into the league to make it official. Basically, he respected his team and the league too much to "pull a Favre", as I call it, and sit there waffling publicly, or to look like a petulant holdout. See, he has class. Maybe you could learn a thing or two.

The Kelly Gregg story is something that you could actually explore as a writer (and something I will cover in greater detail in a future post, since it is obvious to me that the Ravens need all the intelligent, cogent point making bloggers they can get covering them on the off chance that it keeps other idiot's page views down) instead of making an off-hand reference to the type of surgery he had, mentioning a star in another sport that had the same surgery, and then saying that Gregg practiced hard one day in camp.

It's "big'un", not "big'in". Keith Jackson is spinning in his grave, and the man isn't even dead. The best point she made in the entire article is that their is going to be some miscommunication between a QB and a center as they get used to each other. Maybe you could look at the why of it, though (this is something else I can cover if you all are interested)?

Ray Rice is not a rookie. If you can't get THAT right, how in the hell can we be expected to believe anything else you say?

Greg Mattison hasn't been at Notre Dame since 2001, and he has since been at Florida (not to mention the Ravens as linebackers coach). And while we have plenty of depth at the cornerback position, what we lack is a true shutdown corner. Don't go gloating until we see what they can do on the field.

OOOOOOhhh, Terrell Suggs had on a shirt that will provide bulletin board material for the Steelers. This is news?

"Ed Reed snatching cookies from a kid"? First of all, if you have to explain your joke, it isn't funny. Secondly, if you have to explain your metaphor, it isn't effective. Third, do you mean "candy"?

Tomorrow or Thursday I will get into a real recap of the off-season and what to look for in the first pre-season game Thursday night, and no later than Monday I will review the preseason game (against the Redskins, so you know I am going to have opinions).

It looks like my work here is NOT done. But in the mean time, go ahead and check out my Orioles blog (there is a convenient link either up and to the right, or below this post. Either way you cannot go wrong reading my opinions on all things Orioles there and all things sports here!).

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